Hooray, I've solved another Rubik's cube. These things are darn easy to solve.

Of course I do have a date? What do you take me for? A moron?

Why bother swiping the snow off? You'll just look forward anyway.

Honey, have you been playing Jenga on our daughter again?

This is certainly going to change my opinion regarding cute and innocent birds.

No need to polish all the pinkies if they aren't going to catch anybody's eye anyway.

Oh look, they thought of everything, even the urinals have tiny ladders.

What am I doing on February the 14th? Well I'm doing legs. I don't want to skip leg day or else I'll look silly like the rest of the guys on the Interwebs.

Why should you take such a big risk with your own brain? That must be dangerous.

Playing Scrabble on the couch? Neah, who has time for that boring place? I'll be going to some vertical cliff and play it there.