Once again, my pen will not be silenced by these wall painters.

Whenever I accidentally drop my phone into water I always place it as soon as possible in a microwave. It does wonders.

You never know when a crowbar will come in handy. So better place that sucker in your purse and make sure everybody sees you mean business.

I regret the day I've asked my son to have children. I was supposed to be fun.

Once our cow became friends with the neighbour's pig they became inseparable. The next week we wanted to let them be together so this was the only obvious solution.

Wonder who will hire you now? If nobody wants to then it's clearly the government's fault.

Remember to hug your toilet more often and not only when drunk.

Think of the poor animals when you decide to jump in and offer yourself as dinner to them. If you ain't got a healthy body then they will get sick.

If it wasn't for this label I would have worn this shirt with all the dirt inside.

Mercury and Earth have one thing in common for sure.