Oh, you ran into a pole. That's too bad. Sorry, but I've got more pressing business I need to attend to.

This has to be implemented in all pubs and clubs throughout town. And make the sinkhole wide. You know what I'm talking about.

There is a slight chance this could be vodka. It probably isn't but you can never tell.

Ever seen an angry stoned person? They just stop and wait for the sign to get green. No harm there apart from being a pain for the guys behind him.

Have a broken cat or a damaged dog? Bring it right here and we'll make sure it's as good as new afterwards.

I'm like a God at home with my wife. She treats me like a true Messiah.

So I just have to make sure I follow each step closely. Yeah, looks like I've nailed it!

That wooden pole cracked after yesterday's thunderstorm? No worries, I've got a lifetime supply of duct tape at home so we'll fix this in no time.

We have a serious problem on our hands, miss. Now repeat after me and all your sins will be forgiven.

Hey dear, why don't you just put a reminder on your phone? Take a post-it from the desk and stick it on the back. Yeah, that's right!