I'm like a God at home with my wife. She treats me like a true Messiah.

So I just have to make sure I follow each step closely. Yeah, looks like I've nailed it!

That wooden pole cracked after yesterday's thunderstorm? No worries, I've got a lifetime supply of duct tape at home so we'll fix this in no time.

We have a serious problem on our hands, miss. Now repeat after me and all your sins will be forgiven.

Hey dear, why don't you just put a reminder on your phone? Take a post-it from the desk and stick it on the back. Yeah, that's right!

They have a whole team for unacceptable behavior at the game?

You cannot touch me, you vegan hippie!

Well, we got funny cats, we got selfies so why not both? The Internet needs this!

A spider killed my snake? Better burn down the house, just to be sure that spider gets toast.

Finally somebody uses the small size to their advantage.