The day grandma got a gun was the day I became overweight.

Oh great, you have to put it down and lose 2 seconds of your precious time. I've just got to cleanup all this stuff from the sink.

More like a hipster tree to me. Why follow the normal straight path that provides the most comfortable position when you can just grow sideways?

Those water molecules are all over the place so watch your step because it may get slippery.

Oh good, we made it to the fire hydrant. Now I can take a leak on my human.

Once I went and rode on the River Adventure. It was so sad.

Honestly, the guy who designed this billboard is living on another planet or what?

If you really want to be a smart ass and be sure that you aren't going anywhere soon other than the police station then by all means, tell him that.

Now you can get even a broken heart cookie. For your forever alone time.

I can tell you are looking for the biggest high five of your life. Just let me grab a chair and I will be right with you.