A word of advice: oil is hot and you skin does not react nicely to hot oil.

No, we do not have crappy apartments! Why would you think that?

Your pocket will show you the way to tie a knot.

Every time I open a pack they all come rushing towards me.

Have the morals of a man? Then we have some bad news for you.

I believe that my father is on to me.

In Texas you are considered a bad parent if your daughter ain't got a photo like this one.

Most kids love sack races. Statistically speaking.

Did someone order a cigar?

As time goes by it seems that we are actually looking for a reason to buy a new phone because the old one is broken.