My golden years are not as golden as you think. My urine is though.

In case of fire just exit this door and get burned alive while watching the locked gate.

Was that the correct comeback?

Get your new electric hammer and be as productive as ever. The deluxe version also comes with bright red lights.

Did that mean guy break you heart? Then simply do his best friend.

Kittens are evil and must be punished. Kittens do not accept God.

Follow this simple 2 step tutorial and become a dubstep master in no time.

You are worth it, Gandalf. You deserve a great hair.

I just found my fiance cheating on me and this is my rant. Going to get drunk now.

If you ever had a moustache, you know how hard it is to keep it dry and clean while drinking coffee.