You know you are too thin when your girlfriend fits in your pants too.

Relax guys, I've been doing this for years.

Know your priorities. Don't cheat on your workout, cheat on your woman. She can take it.

I was just asleep and heard a loud bang and when I got here I found this mess, said the dog.

I'm pretty sure that using any musical instrument while driving is against the law. But hey,if he's practicing, why not?

Just taking my sheep out for a ride, that's all.

Yes, those Americans have everything figured out. Except keeping any kind of logic in measurements.

I'm just moving out and need this ladder. How else am I going to take it there?

You have been noticing too much. You will be reported to the authorities.

We are sick of your trash laying in the stairway. Either take it to the bin or collect your teeth from the floor.