Go on, dance the night away. You are totally a dancer. But first, take this bottle with you.

Don't be a psycho. Place a comma and save your family's lives.

It's quite important for any tattoo artist to have a spelling bee award.

Oh, sticker man. You had one job. Now what will people say when I give them cherry flavored green juice and apple flavored red juice?

Q: How do you spot a future former bike owner? A: By his overwhelming skill of locking his bike to a railing.

I know you wanted to be the dark angel this Halloween, but please take this dark angle costume. It was the only one left in the store.

I believe we either have a dumb cake decorator at the bakery or we're missing a part of the cake I've ordered.

I really wanted a cat on my car and this cute Jaguar was sitting on somebody's car.

The perfect gift that will make any women burst into tears. Then slap you.

Stop panicking and wishing you had studied before. God is now your only hope.