Mind as well face it: you are completely dead to us from now on. Goodbye.

Seems that alcohol has been announced for tonight. And that should come together with low standards and poor decisions. Let's get drunk!

That's impossible. I will not look as good as I've pretended to do online. There must be some sorcery to this.

Go on, dance the night away. You are totally a dancer. But first, take this bottle with you.

Don't be a psycho. Place a comma and save your family's lives.

It's quite important for any tattoo artist to have a spelling bee award.

Oh, sticker man. You had one job. Now what will people say when I give them cherry flavored green juice and apple flavored red juice?

Q: How do you spot a future former bike owner? A: By his overwhelming skill of locking his bike to a railing.

I know you wanted to be the dark angel this Halloween, but please take this dark angle costume. It was the only one left in the store.

I believe we either have a dumb cake decorator at the bakery or we're missing a part of the cake I've ordered.