Everybody wonders why I stay in the bathroom for so long. I can't explain it either.

Apparently I cannot be successful without breaking any rules.

When you get so drunk that you need help from others to keep your head up, that is when you have hit rock bottom.

Got no legs? Well that is not actually bad now, is it?

The minivan's life story summed up on a bumper sticker.

Taking the dog for a walk is no fun anymore. Taking the dog for a swim is more like it.

Looks like the Australian Bureau of Statistics is putting the taxpayers' money to good use.

If you are going to be a bad driver, you need to go all the way. It's not enough to drive off with the pump nozzle, you also have to park like a true pro.

Why risk an injury when leaving your child to play with a firearm? Why not use a mortar or heavy machine gun?

Well, looks like there really are a lot of white people turning black.