Next time just play along and order a steak with veggies. You'll probably get more of a "salad" than this.

I can't feel my legs, but it's fine, I am well dressed for the weather.

Turkey for thanksgiving? No, thank you. We are only eating healthy, vegetarian food in this house.

Just make sure you DO NOT order that item!

Is that giraffe... safe back there?

Got to get that six pack ready for the neighbourhood pussies this next summer.

Honey, I think we'll stick to the gas oven for now. I'm not sure this microwave is worth it.

First you pay attention, then not so much. Then you remember that you are sleep deprived because you have part... studied all night long!

I've decided I cannot live any longer so I will have to hang myself. But I will get to be enjoyed by the local kids, so there's that!

This is exactly what my kid needs: another screen to look at while pooping!