I look like a total alien, can't see where I'm going, but I look stylish.

In case of alcohol poisoning Siri has just the solution: get yourself back to the nearest liquor store.

Deformed sounds right, doesn't it? Who needs a professional English translator when you have Google Translate?

When your daughter is able to sit on your ass while you are standing that's when you know something has to change.

Don't make me run after you, boy?

Someone is going to learn about physics the hard way.

Keep honking so we keep drinking. It's a win-win situation.

You are not doing good. Superman is.

I know what you are thinking but just don't pull the switch!

Everybody told me that I stink and to take a bath. Not sure how this will help but at least it will shut them up.