We didn't have enough money to buy a proper tree so this old ladder we keep in the basement should do just fine.

It's not like you had the correct spelling written down 3 feet in front of you.

This happends when lumberjacks have too much time on their hands.

Want to get somebody stopped by all the police officers on their way home? Paint this on their car.

Would you mind not standing up because then I certainly won't be able to reach you.

Well this is how you end up if you ain't got no kids.

No worries, better drink this through the shirt than have the decency to take it off first.

Going to the club, going down the slope I have to look like a total skank.

Well, on the bright side, a really tall boat can fit underneath.

Who cares that our asses are freezing and that high heels and snow don't mix well, we look fabulous.