Wait until my wife sees what I bought on the receipt.

Oh, great. Just the guy I was looking for. Now that wretched mother in-law will get what she deserves. And for that price I'll take 3 matches.

There were no velociraptors spotted here 23 billion days, but you never know.

Make up you mind, door! I have places to go today.

That level really needed a good shit so we've taken it there.

Ain't nobody going to debate this anymore. I have the most beautiful hare in the world.

Looks like another of those bacon signs down by the pier. Better go and check that out.

I tried everything that the Internet told me to do and my lips still look like this.

That small plane really looks after his brother's wellbeing.

Come to think of it, this may be the best way to convince them to keep it down during sexy times.