This is getting embarrassing. I know how to write words on the sky but I skipped the lesson where we were taught how to land.

That day when she decided to skip past the abortion clinic was the greatest day of my life.

It was horrible. I still have nightmares about that day.

A spoiler? No, I installed this on my ride so I can ear my bowl of cereal.

All Joe asked us was not to buy him another shitty cake like last year. We simply could not resist.

Pants are so last Tuesday. Now I get a long sleeve with a tiny pair of underwear.

There were too many complaints of babies crying in the dumpster so this label was introduced.

Either get a new laptop or be prepared to dig in your dog's droppings.

What the hell am I supposed to do with this error? If the monitor was not plugged in would I even see it?

I'm lazy so I find the simplest solutions to my problems.