Remember if you are in a hurry to leave your phone as far away from the bathroom as possible.

I can't be this cruel with my parents. What if they have a heart attack?

Just be careful not to leave any pressurized beverages in your car in full daylight. Spectacular things may happen.

Remember kids, shitting in the firesuit is bad for you.

You can never be too organized around home. We do need to keep everything labeled, don't we?

You know, if the urge to play the piano suddenly hits you while using the John.

Watch out guys, I got my home made tricycle and I'm not afraid to ride it.

Now I also take credit cards. And stay tuned because next week I'll event let you pay with PayPal.

I'm sick of you guys always cheering me up on my birthday. Enough with the cakes already!

You can never bee to careful when your friend is driving.