Wait until my wife sees what I bought on the receipt.

Well, they are still green so they must be watermelons.

This offer is madness. Can you believe you get 0% off? I should buy all the Black Eyed Beans I can find on this aisle.

The one thing that will understand you whenever you are feeling down is chocolate. It won't judge you and it won't ask silly questions.

Czechs are welcome anytime. It's just the checks we are worried about. We don't accept Czechs as a form of payment. Wait. What?

Jesus, please go to aisle 9, Jesus go to aisle 9. There is some leftover water that needs to be made into wine.

What do you expect? The orange pumpkins are obviously damaged and need to be sold with generous discounts.

Choose from the hundreds of items that you can buy with just $1! Absolutely amazing.

As a parent, I can't wait until my kids get their toys for Christmas this year.

Your baby grows a beard already? Get him a shiny new electric shaver or trimmer for his birthday.