I guess every parent has something to be proud of.

Nobody ever said that your Prius is cool, right?

And I love my virginity too. It's one of my prized possessions.

Knitting has been proven to cause a lot of accidents lately. Especially when it comes to old ladies.

Step one: buy your son a car. Step two: force him to drive around with those stickers on the back. He'll drive safely guaranteed.

I'll believe this when I actually see a corporation being executed.

Stop tailgating me or you'll be sorry.

I am way too sexy for this wheelchair.

I'll make sure the idiot behind you doesn't do anything stupid. Wait, what?

You kind of feel sorry for the guy.