Watch your step. You wouldn't want to run into one of these stealth cactus plants.

When you are too lazy to walk the dog just drive around.

You should always think about where the doors go when painting anything.

Learn how to synchronize your eyes with your hands before the ball hits you.

Just look at what Chuck Norris did to my car!

Just don't take it literaly.

Nothing beats making fun of dumb protestors.

Just leave me alone with that stupid baby while I finish tweeting.

Just hope nobody walks by the toilet whyle you are using it.

Sorry for painting the word "TWAT" on your garage door.