If you can read it, then we are probably upside down.

Make sure that your motivational messages don't have additional meanings once the pencil gets shorter.

Not having any friends saved me from a lot of problems while Facebook went down.

Just imagine that I wake up 2 hours later. The horror that is upon me every morning is apalling.

I have the worst life ever. This house is too big.

Good thing I was able to find jeans with bigger pockets, otherwise I would have had to get fat.

If the dog kept jumping out I needed to restrain him somehow. At least this way he can enjoy the wind in his face.

Only when the spider disappears you'll have that "oh shit" moment.

I guess he had a really serious problem. You know what I mean.

Don't worry, I'll take care of the dog. Problem solved!